No kidding, duh. We all know that trust is key to effective relationships, selling, leading a business, marriage, friendships all are anchored on trust. It may not be conscious to us but it is true.

How do you get to a trusted relationship? How do you get it on the table with those you want a relationship with? How do you get them to tell you how and what you have to do to be trusted?

Unfortunately, in my humble  opinion, trust is not a one time transaction. Creating trust in others comes from something deep inside of us, what I like to call a ‘service’ orientation. Meaning we are deeply driven by the desire to ‘serve’ others and when we are driven in that way we consciously and unconsciously do things that exhibit to others that ‘service’ orientation.

I like to believe I have such an orientation but I can also be selfish, egotistical, distracted and disinterested, none of which let my ‘service’ orientation shine through. Such non-service oriented behaviors actually destroy and distract trust.

If you agree with the tenets above then the question is still, ‘How do I better practice my service orientation, how do I keep my ego in check?”

• First, accept the fact that service orientation leads to trust 
• Second, be aware you have an ego and that it can get in the way of building trust
• Third, develop reminders, icons, checkpoints that will help you remember your service orientation

I like to use visual images that speak to service for me, or sometimes quotes that remind me. I also have ‘service’ mentors and models, people that I think live the ‘service’ orientation every day and serve as beacons for me.

Final Caution: Sometimes a service orientation can be taken advantage of by someone whose ego is driving them to get what they want or need. Don’t despair, invest in the relationship as you are motivated to do so. Sometimes when you feel trust is the farthest away is when you are the closest to a new relationship breakthrough. Be true to your service orientation, perservere.

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